Why?

So why am I so presumptuous and thinking I could maybe be an author?  Who am I?  Why do I think I am special?

Well let's go back a ways why don't we?  You should be super excited here...

I have always had a love for books but reading doesn't make you a writer or heck, we would be overburdened with wanna-be-authors like myself and really it is a field where you need to be good at it, let's face it!
But reading for me is where it started, the love of the written word, the journey on which books took me, the escape they gave me when necessary, the use of my brain in a visual way even though I wasn't seeing what was being described with my actual eyes.  It was fascinating to me, that transportation.

I then started to write on my current interests such as music groups or athletes and immersing myself in what their worlds might be like.  A few people were privy to reading those and even though they were a start they were childish and if they still existed now, I wouldn't share them with anyone.  I did this for years though, I would say a good 15 years I wrote on those topics and kept it mostly to myself.  It was all fictional however not keeping the work made those 15 years a bit wasted but I look back fondly on that writing and the time I spent doing it, I loved it.  So I guess it wasn't really wasted after all!  It allowed me to also transport myself to a different place which was when I realized, hmm, maybe I have something here.

I went to Acadia and got a degree in English, more reading and writing.  During this time I continued to write poetry and my stories.

It is the last few years where things have stalled.  I have started a few children's books which never amounted to anything and also a few fictional novels which is where I feel I belong at this point, that is the kind of writing I would like to do.  Fictional...now what that means is up for debate.  I don't see myself writing Danielle Steele type books or romance novels, but I would see some of those elements in my writing.  Danielle Steele was actually when I started getting into more adult books.  Her book "Fine Things" still stays with me to this day, it is a good read if you haven't already partaken! ;)

So now, here I sit, writing a blog and working up courage to go back to my started "novel".  I have an idea, I have it started and this will be my push to get past my fear, write until it is written and go from there!  Obviously this will be developing as my blog develops....I hope!

Another topic I must comment on:

Tonight I went to the hospital and visited my close friend who had a baby, just yesterday.  I am opposed to myself becoming a mother, to put it mildly.  I have no desire to rear children, to be their role model, to be responsible for them being good people and doing well in the world.  Mothers are to be admired, and of course I would like to be admired, just not for my mothering skills...because to be honest, I am not sure my mothering skills would be all that admirable!! ;)  However to see this baby, to see their faces (the parents, my friends), to hold this little girl who had just yesterday been inside her mother's tummy, it was truly amazing.  I could have looked at her all day, just held her and looked at her...although this was unrealistic as I know she would cry, need to be breastfed and also her nappie changed and well, that is where I digress in the process!
I do feel I would love to be pregnant..and maybe name the child...but that is all!  I feel like the process of  being pregnant, although it would be very hard, I think it would be a fascinating time and something I will regret not experiencing however I cannot regret it for long.  If I wasn't born to be a mother, I was born to be something else and I will need to assume that fate and embrace it as it comes.

So to all the mothers out there, kudos and you have my deepest respect!

**Currently reading: Booky Wook 2 by Russell Brand

Until next time.... xx